


A Thousand Kisses

by justine472



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21899917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justine472/pseuds/justine472
Summary: For Regency, as part of the Berena Secret Santa 2019. The prompt was “Repay me with a thousand kisses”.Well, here we are, posting date and I'm nervous. I was never one to keep something simple and this has turned into a multi-chapter fic which was fun to write but which ran away with me. Regency, you're going to get more than you bargained for, but I really hope this amuses you!So, first a couple of disclaimers: this "meta-fic" is purely for entertainment purposes, and to correct some of the wrongs we have all felt were done this time last year. My aim: happy ending! The characters in the fictional production team bear no resemblance  to any real people and no offence is intended. Just imagine you go to sleep and dream that the characters take over the story....."My mirror twin, my next of kinI’d know you in my sleepAnd who but you would take me inA thousand kisses deep."Leonard Cohen
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 42
Collections: Berena Secret Santa 2019





	1. I'll Be Safe In Your Sound Till I Come Back Around

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Regency](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regency/gifts).



> A character appears in Chapter 2 who is from another series. I'm a huge fan of Val McDermid's Tony Hill/Carol Jordan series, some of which was televised some years ago as "The Wire In The Blood." The actor who plays Dr. Tony Hill, Robson Greene, is the actor playing Geordie in "Grantchester" with Jemma. This is NOT a crossover, I just borrowed him. 
> 
> No offence intended to anyone who loves "Grantchester" and "The Midsomer Murders". "Bernie's" comments about her roles are purely for the plot. 
> 
> Note for Chapter 1: I suffered a great personal sadness this year and immediately afterwards I found myself in an Uber in Paris at 1am, coming from the airport. The driver had this radio station playing and this song came on. "Someone You Loved" by Lewis Capaldi. It seemed appropriate here.

Serena Campbell lets herself into the Holby City studio flat that has been allocated to her since her nephew, Jason, had gone to live with his girlfriend and her “leafy detached” house was deemed no longer relevant. She is bone weary, every muscle screaming for a human touch to soothe the ache, but the empty space and undented sofa tell her that Shiraz will be her only companion. To defer the moment of her surrender to the inevitable, Serena strips off her floaty blouse, camisole top, functional black trousers and everyday underwear and gets into the shower, letting the scalding flow massage and warm her until her skin has turned pink and she feels a little more human. 

Dressed now in comfortable sweats, Serena opens the fridge and surveys her collection of Meals For One. She isn’t terribly hungry but she needs something to soak up the Shiraz. She can’t afford to be genuinely hungover on the set again if the script doesn’t call for it. She selects a Tesco Finest Prawn Linguine and pops it into the microwave while unscrewing the last bottle of her Australian Shiraz collection. To create the illusion of company she turns on her little internet radio, tuned to Chérie FM, a French station that plays a selection of tasteful ballads, and takes a first exploratory sip of the wine. Yes, perfect. The microwave pings and she removes the pasta dish, and sets it down on the coffee table. She is on her second glass of wine by the time the dish has reached a comfortable temperature, and she relaxes into the sofa and starts forking prawns and linguine into her mouth while the music the DJ has chosen for this chill, November evening plays in the background. She gets half way through the pasta before deciding she has had enough, and pushes it away, refilling her glass. The song has ended and the DJ is murmuring something to introduce the next one. Serena sips reflectively, her insides warmer now, the glow from the wine suffusing her cheeks, when suddenly the words of the song gather meaning and penetrate her consciousness.

_I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me_

_This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy_

_I need somebody to heal, somebody to know,_

_Somebody to have, somebody to hold_

_It's easy to say but it's never the same_

_I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain_

Serena puts her glass down sharply on the table, suddenly overwhelmed by the memory of Bernie – of her warm breath as she enveloped Serena in a tight embrace, Serena’s fingers grasping the hard muscles in Bernie’s toned arms, the smell of the herbal shampoo she favoured, the softness of her cheek, that unique Bernie scent that radiated safety, care and deep longing…….Serena lets out a sob as the memory, loosened by alcohol, breaks free, flooding her senses, filling her with want and a terrible sense of loss.

_Now the day bleeds into nightfall_

_And you're not here to get me through it all_

_I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug_

_I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved_

The tears come in great gulps, the pain of self-pity ripping at her insides until she thinks she might pass out. She howls into the sofa cushions, holding one to her chest, protecting, comforting, while the words go on and on, stabbing into her brain.

_I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to_

_This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you_

_Now, I need somebody to know, somebody to heal_

_Somebody to have, just to know how it feels_

_It's easy to say but it's never the same_

_I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape_

Bernie’s dark eyes, almost black with the force of her desire, the last time they were together, in June, after the show, after the word “Drive”, which saw them leave the set in Serena’s car and go to the leafy detached for the last time, where they had spent not the 48 hours promised in the script, but just one whole night, until Bernie was collected in the morning and driven away.

_And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes_

_I fall into your arms_

_I'll be safe in your sound till I come back around_

_Now the day bleeds into nightfall_

_And you're not here to get me through it all_

_I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug_

_I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved_

Serena bites down hard on the desire that rises at the memory of Bernie’s expression in the seconds before she dipped her head between Serena’s thighs and transported both of them away from the Holby set, into another world, a space they had created uniquely for themselves, for this frankly astonishing, unexpected, magical love affair between two mature women. It was so unfair.

It takes two more songs until Serena can stop crying and regain control of herself. Her tears have dried but the ache of loss is still there, the gaping hole where her heart used to be. She takes the plastic food container and drops it in the bin, pouring herself another glass of Shiraz as she makes her way back to the sofa, deciding to pick up her knitting to give herself something else to focus on. Suddenly there’s a sharp rap at the door and a dark auburn mop of curls appears.

“Good evening my Sexy Silver Vixen. Fancy a game of darts?”

Serena sighs and gives her colleague a weary glance, causing her to come fully into the room and close the door.

“Now, what have we here?”

Serena purses her lips and declines to answer. As if Fleur can’t see for herself that she has been crying and that the bottle is three quarters empty. Fleur comes over and sits beside Serena on the sofa, eyeing the bottle disapprovingly.

“This isn’t doing you any good, you know.”

“You don’t have to tell me that,” Serena retorts. “I got an Abuse of Role warning yesterday.”

“Jesus, Serena, what did you do? Not try to contact the Werewolf herself, I hope.”

“I did. I had to send an email with a whole lot of piffle about how I was missing her and what was going on in the hospital, and I added my private number and told her to call me. I don’t know if she really monitors that off-set email, but I had to try.”

“They did you for that?” Fleur is incredulous.

“Yes, because, of course, in the script, Bernie would already have my number, wouldn’t she? I think they managed to cut that bit out but they were very angry. And they said I had to put more enthusiasm into the Leah scenes, that I was obviously not as conflicted as I am supposed to be.”

“Oh, Serena, I am sorry”, Fleur says, putting her hand on Serena’s knee and moving closer.

“Now don’t you start”, Serena says, moving Fleur’s hand away from her knee.

“Well, I just thought, you know, us Regulars are allowed to play with each other as much as we like, but Externals like Bernie are out of bounds once off the set. I know you’re lonely, and she won’t be back until December, but well, I could help you take the edge off.”

“You’re just like them,” sighs Serena. “You don’t get it. Bernie and I, that was the real thing, like Jason and Greta. Well, they’re lucky because at least both are Regulars and got permission to live together, and there are no plans in the script to break them up. But we got a raw deal. And what about all those “Berena” fans? I can’t believe the Powers That Be could really be planning to close this down, which is what everyone’s talking about.”

“Serena, Bernie’s a Dual, as you know. And while she’s Kate Stewart you can’t access her as Bernie Wolfe. “

“But IS she Kate Stewart?” asks Serena. “There’s no evidence that Kate Stewart is on-screen or planning to be any time soon. In fact, I’m pissed off with this whole thing. I’m tempted to become a Dual myself, or just leave.”

“You? A Dual? Where? As who?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out”, says Serena, “but I have had offers, you know.”

“Oh, I’m sure”, Fleur responds drily. “And I’m making you another one. Darts at Albie’s?”

“You know what? I think I’m just going to stay here with my knitting and wallow in grief and Shiraz. So piss off, Fanshawe.”

***

Bernie Wolfe, heavily disguised as a middle-aged housewife in a posh house somewhere in 1950’s Cambridgeshire, is anxiously pacing the length of her mobile residential unit, fingering her pearls. The movement both reminds her painfully of Serena Campbell with her pendant, and increases her anxiety. At the knock on her door, she takes two strides across the narrow space and wrenches it open.

“Forty-five minute delay,” the runner says, departing again almost immediately. Bernie sits down heavily on the sofa in relief. She now has almost an hour before she has to go on-screen as Mrs Somebody-Something whose husband has just died in suspicious circumstances and pretend extreme grief. Well, that part isn’t difficult, but her distressed state has nothing to do with that gentleman’s demise. Finally she comes to a decision and, pulling her personal mobile phone from her bag, she pulls up her list of contacts and hits a button marked “IKEA”, holding her breath.

“Hanssen”, comes the calm, unruffled voice she has grown to love so much. (She had a distinct lack of imagination when thinking up a suitable cover name for the illicit number).

“Henrik, I think you know who this is..” Bernie begins in a low voice, her feeling confirmed by the sharp intake of breath at the other end of the line.

"Right, yes, I see”, Hanssen replies, seemingly irrelevantly.

“I really need to talk to you, so please go somewhere else and try to call me back from a public line so that we can talk privately.”

“Thanks, that’s fine, I’ll catch up with you later”, and Hanssen hangs up the phone.

Barely 10 minutes later, Bernie’s personal mobile rings.

“Bernie”, Hanssen begins, “this is highly irregular and we can get into big trouble being in contact, so I assume this is a life or death matter.”

“I’m starting to think it might be”, Bernie confesses, trying to keep the knot in her stomach from robbing her of speech.

"So tell me, and quickly”, Hanssen says, his voice still calm, but with an undercurrent of urgency.

“I got a message today from someone inside the Holby unit that there are plans afoot to discontinue the Bernie Wolfe identity.”

“I see, “Hanssen replies noncommittally. “And who told you that?”

“You know I can’t reveal my sources, but it wasn’t a cast member. Let’s just say that there are support staff who work on multiple sets and they get to hear things. In this case, they got to overhear two senior production managers discussing it.”

“Right. And that concerns you how, exactly?”

“Henrik, I know I’m only a temporary Dual at the moment but I was really hoping to maintain that, not go exclusive with Kate Stewart, much as I love her. Bernie Wolfe has come to mean a great deal to me.”

“She’s come to mean a great deal to a lot of people”, Hanssen replies. “As has Serena Campbell. What is it they call you two- Berena?”

“Yes. And Serena Campbell also means a great deal to me,” Bernie confesses. “I was really hoping that the success of the relationship meant they would keep me on. My commitments as Kate are very irregular. I could easily do a lot more as Bernie.”

“And have you told them this?” asks Hanssen.

“I’ve tried, but they keep fobbing me off, and now they’ve loaned me out to some 1950’s crime thing, and there’s another similar thing in the pipeline for the new year. It’s a real waste of my time, to be honest. I just want to get back as Bernie.”

“I see. Well there is a script conference coming up this week where they will share some crumbs of information with me as the regular cast representative, so I may have more concrete details to tell you after that.”

“And if it is true, Henrik, do you have any influence with them?”

Hanssen sighs. “Time was when there was a more democratic decision -making process in matters pertaining to the script, but lately, I’ve been kept in the dark.” There is a pointed silence, then Bernie says tentatively, “Roxanna?”

“Yes. That came as a very nasty surprise.”

“You and she were… I mean…….it wasn’t just acting, right?”

Hanssen sighs. “Sadly, no. And there was history. They knew that but they still killed the character. And the worst part is that she’s been relegated to the character deep-freeze and none of us can contact her as Roxanna.”

Bernie is quiet for a moment, letting the news sink in, then Hanssen says “Bernie, I have to go, it’s too dangerous to keep talking. Text me a secure email and I’ll find a way of getting back to you in a few days and tell you what I know, OK?”


	2. Conspiracy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot to get rid of Bernie is confirmed, and the other cast members decide to take action. Bernie is trapped in another location and equally upset when she gets a little help from a friend.

Leah Faulkner leans against the door of the Holby staff room, coffee mug in hand, and blinks in surprise at Serena Campbell, who is washing her mug up in the sink, splashing water more noisily than the task warrants.

“Look, Serena, I know this seems a bit weird- the age gap, the difference in rank and all that, but I was only asking to kiss you to practise. It’s making me nervous, too, this afternoon’s script and I just thought…….”

Serena glares at her. “Don’t be silly, we’re mature women, we don’t need to rehearse. If we don’t know how to kiss by now we’re in big trouble.”

“Forgive me for being presumptuous, Serena, but do I detect just a tiny bit of hostility there? I mean, hello, this is a script, no one’s asking you to marry me for God’s sake!”

“Of course not. Hostility, I mean. I just don’t see the need for practice. You just walk up to me and …bingo. Easy.’

Leah falls silent. Then she gives Serena the sweetest smile she can muster and says “OK, if you’re sure.”

Serena wipes her hands on a tea towel and makes for the door, passing the young doctor without another glance.

“I am”.

The beep of her phone in the pocket of her trousers causes her to stop as soon as she has rounded a corner, out of Leah’s line of sight. What she sees on the screen makes her face wrinkle with worry as she heads towards the lifts.

Hanssen’s office on the 6thFloor is more crowded than usual. Around the conference table are Sacha, Jac, Fletch, Essie, Dom and Ric. The long term Regulars. Hanssen clears his throat as Serena takes her seat. There is a palpable air of tension in the room.

“I’ve called you together at short notice while the PTB are on a lunch break to share some news I’ve been authorised to pass on to you.”

He adjusts his glasses and looks down at his note pad. There is silence as they wait to see on whose head the axe is about to fall.

“Er…. as you are all aware, Bernie Wolfe is due to return shortly for her regular slot as a Dual.”

Serena’s stomach clenches.

“Er …it’s been decided, I mean, it would appear that her other commitments as Kate Stewart are intruding more and more and so the management has ..er..reluctantly come to the conclusion that it’s time to……”

  
Serena gives a sob “..kill her off?” she gasps.

“Er..I was going to say ‘close down the Wolfe franchise’.”

“Same thing ain’t it?” asks Fletch sullenly.

“Not necessarily,“ Sacha puts in. “There have been too many deaths lately, I should think they’d try to find another way.”

“And indeed, this, er, is the case.”

“So what’s going to happen and why have you got us all here to tell us this? They don’t usually bother breaking bad news about an External to us,” Jac says irritably.

“Well, the thing is..” Hanssen begins, stammering a little, “they seem to be rather nervous about putting too much finality into it because there are so many fans, Kate Stewart/Bernie Wolfe fans as well as, er, ‘Berena’ fans.”

“Not to mention how the viewing figures just rocket every time she appears”, adds Dom, while Essie nods in agreement.

“Quite. I get the impression they didn’t expect the Bernie character, and the relationship with Serena, to become as massively successful as it has been.”

“So what are we here for?” demands Jac again. “You want to keep her, is that it?”

Hanssen glances round the room, seeing nothing but inquisitive faces.

“I was wondering whether we could have a show of hands in support of that, er, suggestion. There may be some steps we could take.”

Everyone raises their hand.

“OK so can we go now?” asks Jac.

“We will support the decision”, adds Sacha, rising with the others.

“As long as it’s clear you’re the ringleader”, adds Jac, pulling on his is sleeve. “I’m not doing anything to compromise my own position.”

There is a silence as the room clears, leaving Serena, Hanssen and Ric, who is sitting, arms folded, in the same position.

“So that’s a yes, of a sort?” says Hanssen as the door closes behind them.

“Am I right in thinking, Henrik, from your previous words, that they are considering shutting it down _because_ it’s been so successful?” Serena’s face is a picture of incredulity.

“He is,” puts in Ric. “Aren’t you, Henrik?”

“I am”. Now Hanssen looks up, straightening his shoulders, stammer gone. “As you are surely aware, there has been less sharing of character information in the last six months or so. The death of Roxanna Macmillan being a case in point. Roxanna and I were in a relationship, as they knew very well, but the decision to shut the character down was not taken until very shortly beforehand. Even Roxanna didn’t know the plan, although I believe John Gaskell was aware. He, of course, was on loan for a year and had other character identities to assume, but Roxanna had been made a Regular, and she had nowhere else to go. After her death scenes, they ushered her straight out of the back door and took her to the Freezer. Now none of us can contact her.”

There was a silence while Serena and Ric computed the import of his words. 

“My God”, says Ric finally, “Henrik, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. I assumed you were plot conscious, you both were, and that you’d accepted the relationship couldn’t develop.”

Hanssen looks down and begins polishing his glasses on the fat end of his tie.

“This is …this is unconscionable”, declares Serena firmly, slapping her hand on the table.

“And now they’re going to break up Bernie and myself. I know she wanted to carry on as a Dual, and, I mean, look at the huge success of Bernie Wolfe! Who would want to lose such a great character?”

“This is what we need to decide. And if there’s a way to fight to keep her”.

“Count me in”, says Ric, leaning forward earnestly.

“Me too, that goes without saying”, says Serena.

***

Bernie reclines listlessly on her couch after filming. The leading man in her show has invited her to dinner with him yet again and she barely has the energy to refuse. A brusque text message is all she can manage. The fact is, she likes him, even if he has a bit of a reputation as a ladies’ man. They have encountered each other in a previous character life, and there was a definite chemistry. But since becoming Bernie Wolfe, she is confused. Bernie is most definitely gay. Kate Stewart is undeclared one way or the other, but Bernie is dominating her character now, and her preferences. God, she’s even started ordering pineapple on pizza, something Kate certainly would never do.

There is a knock on the door and before Bernie can respond, Geordie, the man in question, puts his head round.

“Hey, I got your message. You said you were quote washing your hair unquote, but I thought ladies had hairdryers these days! Can I come in anyway if I promise not to try and whisk you off to dinner?”

Bernie shrugs, indifferent. “Sure, grab a pew”.

“I can see you’re conflicted about something”, the character she knew as Geordie begins, as he comes in and closes the door behind him. “And maybe I can help. You know me as Geordie, well, I’ve been Geordie for ..almost 10 years now. But you know I was Dr. Tony Hill? I was a Dual like you for a long time.”

Bernie raises her eyebrows. “The clinical psychologist from “The Wire in The Blood”?

“Right. But the thing about Tony is that he really got under my skin. I still think of myself as Tony sometimes. I had to study hard to be Dr. Tony Hill, and it stayed with me. I really love the guy. More than the types I usually get to be. You don’t have to worry about me. Tony’s more interested in your mind than your body, not like Geordie. It gets tiring being Geordie. Tonight I’m Tony. I want to help.”

Bernie sits up, computing the meaning of his words. He has retained his Tyneside accent even as Tony, she recalls. It has a familiar, warm, all enveloping sound to it. To give herself a little more time to reflect she directs him to the cupboard where she keeps Bernie’s Lagavulin. Tony finds shot glasses and pours them one each.

“Well, Bottoms Up, Bernie, isn’t it?”

“Er yes…Bernie Wolfe. Or Kate Stewart.”

“But tonight you’re Bernie Wolfe, right?”

“Correct,” the whisky slipping down a treat. “Big Macho Army Medic”.

Tony takes a small sip of the whisky then puts it down.

“Bernie, what’s bugging you. Tell me, I really want to help. Everyone else is off duty and no one knows we’re not Geordie and Mrs Whatsit at present. “

Bernie is wrestling with her feelings, the reluctance to open herself to a stranger being deeply ingrained in her character. Yet Tony is leaning towards her, arms on his knees, open and unthreatening and drawing her in.

“It all started with a woman called Serena Campbell and a script with a slow burn”, she begins, tentatively.

***

Henrik Hanssen steeples his hands in front of him and frowns at Serena, who is pacing restlessly after Ric has left.

“Look, I have to go and allow myself to be snogged by this junior doctor in about ten minutes”, Serena says, dismissively. “Where do we go from here?”

“Well, I’ll have to talk to Bernie again.”

“What do you mean? Talk to Bernie? You mean you’re IN CONTACT with her?”

“So it seems. She had my number and used it. Now I have hers.”

Serena is stunned. Externals are not allowed to use their personal phones on the Holby set, and once they go off site no one is supposed to contact them. But before she can say anything Hanssen interjects “But Serena, I don’t want you charging off to talk to Bernie without some forward planning. You could jeopardise all of our positions if we don’t handle this with extreme caution. “

“I’m going”, says Serena. “But we will definitely talk again. And damn you, Henrik, I want that number as soon as I get back!”


	3. Machinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena co-opts the support of her colleagues as well as Jason and Greta and a new plot to rescue Bernie begins to take shape. Bernie also starts to discover that things are not necessarily as cast in stone as they might appear.

“There are precedents for this situation, you know”, Tony tells Bernie, cradling his whisky glass between small sips.

Bernie reaches over to refill hers. “Really?”

“Yes, of course. I can’t give any names away but I do know of scripts that have been forced to change in order to keep a character in place.”

“But what if that character is a Dual, and is being forced to go Exclusive with one ID when they want to keep both?”

Tony smiles. “It’s a question of balance. Have you been offered Exclusivity with Kate Stewart?”

“No, and I can’t see how that could work anyway, Kate’s never going to have a full-time commitment. If I went Exclusive I’d be in Character Deep-Freeze for several months a year, or like this, loaned out for odd jobs.”

“So why do you think Holby wants to kill your role in that case?”

“Well that’s the question. But it’s certainly not because UNIT have requested Kate full time.”

“Do you have anyone on the inside who could help?”

“I’m not sure. I have the number of the Cast Manager at Holby, Henrik Hanssen, and I used it once but it’s too dangerous to use it again. We have to find another line of communication.”

“And do you think he’s up for a little subversion to help you keep your Dual status?”

“It’s hard to say. He lost a relationship of his own because he wasn’t consulted about the script, so he’s pretty pissed off. He might.”

“And one more question, the million dollar question: what about Serena Campbell? Is she as in love with you as you clearly are with her?”

Bernie looks up at him, her eyes deep and dark, radiating a passion and certainty that was beyond mere words.

“Right. I see. So we need to find a back channel, eh?”

***

Serena heads straight back to Henrik’s office as soon as she has completed her scenes for the day. When she arrives, Henrik hands her the new script for the following week. She skims through it quickly then, raising her hand, she slams the script down on a table.

“Have you read this?” she demands.

“I..er..had a quick look”, is the confession.

“So, this is bullshit! A junior doctor comes onto a senior consultant and kisses her. OK that’s out of line but not necessarily the consultant’s fault. She’s already rebuffed a previous advance. But now they want me to …….no, no, I can’t do it. Apart from anything else, in the real world, surely the consultant would be instantly dismissed? And on the other hand….”

“On the other hand that consultant is supposed to be in love with someone else,” Hanssen finishes grimly, a tinge of red in his cheeks as he feels Serena’s indignation as well.

“And she IS Henrik. I AM. And I refuse to go down this ridiculous path. Even if they want to -what was the phrase? ‘Shut down the Wolfe franchise’, there are better ways of doing it. But an infidelity with a junior doctor? Puhl-eez!”

Hanssen sits back pensively.

“So, are we going to revolt?” he asks

“We?” queries Serena, eyes glittering dangerously.

“We”, confirms Hanssen. “Because I’ve also had enough.”

“You bet your ass!” says Serena in her best American accent.

***

Bernie endures several more anxious days in her temporary trailer, completing her scenes for the Loan Job, of which, in fact, there are very few. The make-up artist who had originally given her the gossip about the Bernie role was too unreliable to be trusted as a co-conspirator, and she doesn’t want to get the girl into trouble anyway. She is now due on the Holby set in four days’ time and is getting more anxious as the hours pass. Once she is there she will, she knows, be locked into whatever script has already been issued. As per the usual norms, she will be given only 48 hours to view the script before arriving for filming to start. She has to trust Geordie that he can find a back channel, and that Henrik will be in touch before she leaves, but time is running out.

***

Serena logs herself off the set and heads for the house where her nephew, Jason, lives with his partner, Greta, and their small child. She has invited herself to dinner with them as a pretext to discuss the Bernie situation with Jason. That would inevitably involve Greta, who took her newfound family role very seriously.

The meal is inevitably Shepherd’s Pie, the recipe for which Serena was requested to pass to Greta so that she could make it exactly as Jason likes it. Serena rolls her eyes, but in a way it is comforting as she has not done any cooking since being made to leave her house and live in a solo block.

“When is Bernie coming back?” asks Jason anxiously. “She will be here for the wedding, won’t she? The script says you’ve had no contact with her for weeks.”

“Bug…. forget the script”, Serena replies rather tersely. “Bernie will most definitely be here. In fact, that’s something I wanted to discuss with you. What would you say if I told you Bernie might be made to go away forever after this visit?”

Jason puts his knife and fork down suddenly, his face full of alarm. Greta reaches out and touches his arm.

“What do you mean? Go away forever? Die? Split up with you?” his voice shrill with anguish.

“Something like that”, Serena replies. “In fact, whatever excuse the PTB can find to banish her.”

Jason looks at Greta disbelievingly. She speaks carefully, trying to clarify Serena’s message.

“So, Serena, if we understand you, you’re saying that the PTB want to get rid of Bernie and that they may do it after this visit. That it would be her last. “

“Exactly. That is what I’m saying.”

“No, no, they can’t do that…” Jason bangs his fists on the table in uncomprehending distress.

“Bernie is important, I think, to the storyline, isn’t she Serena?” asks Greta, frowning. Serena can practically hear the cogs whirring.

“She’s indispensable to _my_ storyline, Greta,” Serena replies. “It took a long time for this relationship to take off, and we overcame so many obstacles. It’s unusual to see two middle aged women in a relationship on prime time TV, and that’s why we have so many fans. If they get rid of Bernie, I can’t imagine what will happen. To Serena or to Holby. I may have to leave myself in that case.”

“Auntie Serena, this is really serious,” Jason says worriedly. “They can’t do that. I need you, we need you, the hospital needs you.” He begins rocking back and forth, Greta stroking his back, a fierce look in her eye.

“Bernie’s your – our- family”, Greta states calmly. “She needs to come back and stay, and you and she should be like us, then- have permission to make our lives together here.”

“That was my hope, yes”, Serena says.

“So what can we do, Auntie Serena, to make sure that Bernie can stay?”

“I’m not sure, Jason, but Henrik and I are going to try to persuade the PTB by changing the script without their knowledge, to make it …..better. I’m telling you in advance because if you support me and go along with our revised script, you may find yourselves in trouble.”

Jason doesn’t hesitate. He takes Greta’s hand and says “we will always support you, Auntie Serena, you’re our family, so is Bernie.”

“Yes,” Greta agrees, “and we think you and Bernie should get married at the same time as us.”

“Now there’s a thought”, muses Serena, as tears well in her eyes.


	4. Good in a glass, good on green, good when you put your hands all over me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day finally comes when Bernie is able to leave her set and move surreptitiously to the Holby set in advance of filming, and is reunited with Serena. 
> 
> The title is from Kacey Musgraves' song "Slow Burn".

Bernie feels as much as hears her phone vibrate with an incoming message. It is 8 am on the penultimate day in her trailer. Thinking it is a notification that her script is on its way, she rolls over in bed and peers blearily at the screen. No message. Then she remembers that she has put her private phone under her pillow the night before in case Serena has found a way to contact her, and it is this that she has felt vibrate. It turns out to be a WhatsApp message from “IKEA”.

_Central Costa 10 am_

There is a branch of Costa coffee located in her compound which houses several very different film and TV sets. Bernie arrives early, buys a newspaper and a strong latte and settles down to wait. She doesn’t know what she has been expecting but it certainly isn’t the person who slides into the chair opposite her.

“Jason!” she exclaims.

“Shhhh!” Jason cautions her. “I’m pretending to be Greta’s cousin, he lent me his ID card, he’s a stuntman on the new Bond movie and they’re filming part of it here today. Now listen Bernie, this is important.”

Bernie sips her latte to give an appearance of normal, but two red spots have appeared on her cheeks and she can hardly contain her impatience to know what is going on.

“Henrik and Serena are working with the regular cast to try to make some changes that will let you stay on. But we need you to arrive earlier than usual, so we developed this plot. It’s excellent but you must keep it secret and play the part.”

“Absolutely”, Bernie confirms.

He then outlines her role and how they plan to smuggle her onto the set before her allotted time. Bernie is thrilled, they were all working together to help her and Serena save their relationship. Maybe there’s hope after all.

“But you’ll need some help from inside. Is there anyone you trust who can help you? We might be able to find a way but it would be better coming from your side.”

“Leave it to me,” says Bernie.

***

10 miles away, Serena awakes with a pounding headache and a recurrent memory of the passionate kisses she had to share with Leah Faulkner on set the previous day. Leah was clearly enjoying herself and this repelled Serena even more. For God’s sake, the girl was twenty years younger and Serena squirms at the thought of a 53 year old consultant surgeon seducing, or allowing herself to be seduced by a pair of suggestive blue eyes and a couple of dimples. Not that the girl isn’t pretty, but her clear interest in Serena, beyond that demanded by her role, makes Serena a little afraid both for herself, and for the relationship she so desperately needs to consolidate with the absent Bernie. She had to make the kiss look realistic for the camera, but she held herself inside, putting as little feeling into it as she could, while Leah was going at it with her tongue, trying to get a genuine response.

So disgusted was she afterwards- and was that a tinge of guilt in there somewhere?- that she had locked herself in her flat with plenty of Shiraz and her iPad, on which she had kept all the scenes from episodes she had filmed with Bernie, and replayed them and replayed them until she could wipe away the memory of Leah, and the four takes the producer had made her suffer in order to get the right shots. As Serena raises her head from the pillow and begins to push herself up, her hand brushes a hard object on the bed. Serena groans as she remembers the way the night had ended- with her vibrator and graphic recall of the scenes she and Bernie had shared in the privacy of her house) and once, yes, in an on-call room on set. Then she remembers that today is Saturday, the day when Jason is putting the first part of the plan into action.

“Move, Campbell”, she mutters, reaching for the paracetamol and her glass of water.

***

Sunday

For once Bernie is relieved to have taken only the bare minimum of her private effects to this set for her three or four short appearances. She packs the military-style rucksack, gratefully leaving behind the wigs, cardigans, skirts and jewellery of the previous role. With the authorisation paper in her hand she heads for the exit gate.

“Checking out”, she announces to the system operator. He raises his eyebrows.

“Says here you’re not due to be collected until tomorrow.”

“Read”, she instructs, handing him the paper. “I’m going to collect my sick colleague’s child from care and deliver her to her father, which is close to my next set. I have a one night accommodation pass. I’ll make my own way.”

He shrugs, scans the barcode on the paper and waves her out. Bernie exhales in relief. Tony had come good, finding a support staff member who has agreed to pretend to have a violent attack of food poisoning while Bernie takes her place at the Child Care Centre. Substitutions could be arranged, but the facts have to check out.

As the designated driver sets off on the 10 mile drive, Bernie’s heart hammers so fiercely in her chest that she wonders why he doesn’t tell he to turn it down. By the time they arrive, she has managed to calm herself with yoga breathing and sips of water, so it is a casual “See ya” that she manages as she exits the car.

Serena, armed with a similar pass declaring that Greta has fallen ill, parks her car and makes her way nervously inside. Will Bernie really be there? It has been six months. The longest six months in Serena’s memory. The last gap was over a year, but those were the good old days when the PTB encouraged them to connect between their different character commitments, even sanctioning, nay, encouraging, a two -week holiday in France when Bernie and Serena could be off-screen but together. There had also been a few public appearances allowed by Holby and UNIT, when Kate was off-screen, to appease the Berena fans and build them up for the next joint episodes. What happened after that amazing end to “Primum Non Nocere”, Serena didn’t know, but the portcullis of doom has descended and now their relationship seems to be out of favour.

Serena looks around but can’t see anyone resembling Bernie, so she catches the sleeve of a Centre staff member and asks her to fetch her great-niece, Guinevere Haynes. It is while Serena is trying to button a wriggling Gwinnie into her warm coat that she feels hot breath on her neck, then hands over her eyes.

“Fancy meeting you here!” a familiar voice says.

“Bernie”, bursts out Serena, then remembering she’s acting for the benefit of any observers, “Good lord, what are you doing here?” pushing the hands away to turn around and look at her, her beautiful golden angel. It is all she can do not to throw herself into her arms, but she quells the instinct, turns back to Guinevere and, picking her up, says: “This is Auntie Bernie.”

“Bunny”, burbles Guinevere happily, reaching out to pull and twist the fine golden ropes of Bernie’s messy hair as Bernie laughs and kisses her chubby little cheek.

Of the rest, Serena has barely a memory. Waiting while Bernie picked up her colleague’s child, taking Guinevere out to her car while Bernie got into the child’s father’s car, driving for 2 miles and swapping cars in a layby beyond the reach of the cctv cameras. Finally, Bernie is with her, in the backseat, crouched below eye level. When they arrive at Jason’s, she parks at the side of the house, and Jason, Greta’s mother, and her cousin all come to the car to greet Serena and Guinevere. In the noise and confusion, Bernie slips out of the car and through the kitchen door, where Greta points soundlessly up the stairs to a room prepared for Bernie and Serena.

Once the door is closed, Bernie drops her rucksack on the floor, shrugs off her grey winter coat and sprawls on the bed, exhausted, but home at last. A few minutes later, the door opens and Serena comes in, closing the door quietly behind her. She moves immediately to the bed and lies down, their bodies fitting together as if they had never been apart. When Serena reaches in to kiss her, Bernie hopes she still tastes of chocolate and honeycombe, but really, does it matter, when her lover and soulmate is pouring her whole essence into the kiss, tangling her clever surgeon’s fingers in Bernie’s unruly blonde locks, her breasts soft and full, cushioned against Bernie’s more angular form, her pelvis executing a perfect dance against Bernie’s lower belly? It is all too much at once. Bernie comes up for air.

“I’ve missed you, I’ve missed this, so much” she gasps.

“Let’s not even go there,” rejoins Serena. “So much to tell you, but not much time.”

“Umm..what about..all those people downstairs?”

“Don’t worry,” Serena smiles. “Jason’s taking everyone out to lunch at the pub, and then they’re going to Greta’s mother’s for the night. “

“Really? They’re doing that for us?” Bernie is amazed.

“Yes. But also to throw the PTB off the scent. They have a few cast members meeting them for lunch as well. Donna, Lofty, Dom, Sacha and Essie. Donna’s coming to get my car because Jason and Greta can’t drive, and she’ll bring it back for us later. With any luck no one will notice my absence. It’s not as if they check the Regulars all that carefully. “

“So how are we going to pass the time?” asks Bernie, her eyes as dark as Serena has ever seen them.

“I’m sure we’ll think of something,” Serena says, opening the buttons on Bernie’s black shirt one by one, and nosing inside, breath catching in her chest on encountering nothing but acres of bare skin.

“God, Wolfe, are you trying to kill me?” she moans, fastening her lips around a hard nipple and giving it a sharp tug.

“No”, gasps Bernie, “just trying to save you some time”. 

***

Serena is due on set at 7am the following morning to film the shots for the next episode that include her and Leah. Bernie smuggles in at the same time, crouched once again in the back of Serena’s car. Serna had to live on set during the week so she has to log herself and the car into the compound and hand the keys to a parking attendant. She would need a letter with a barcode on it to remove it any time before 5pm on Friday. She drops Bernie a hundred yards short of the compound gates, where Donna is also preparing to log in on foot. She hands Bernie a long black coat and a beanie to cover her rucksack and hair, and produces an authorisation for a make -up assistant who will actually not be attending. Once inside, Donna leads Bernie to the on-call room and gives her some magazines and a bottle of water.

"Coffee and sandwiches at about 11.00, OK?” and she departs. Bernie locks the door.

She lies on the bed and tries to blot out all thoughts of Serena Campbell, whose imprint on her body still resonates so vibrantly, trying magazines, then stretching exercises and finally falling back asleep to catch up on the rest she has missed.


	5. Love Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The characters take over the script and the filming and craft an alternative "Love Is" episode. Leah is removed from the scene while it is going on. Serena finally reveals the sacrifice she has had to make to get this done, and everyone lives happily ever after...well not quite yet!

Serena Campbell, vascular surgeon, fresh from operating with Leah and too tired to go home, retires to the on-call room where she intends to spend the night. Shortly, Leah will come knocking and will kiss her, and Serena will invite her into the room.

Except that’s not what happens.

“Right”, Serena announces as she enters the on-call room where Bernie is waiting, “I reckon we have about 10 minutes until they send her knocking”.

“Is everyone in position?” Bernie sits up on the bed as Serena comes to join her.

“Well I certainly am”, Serena smirks, pulling Bernie towards her and winding her arms round her neck.

“You know what I mean,” Bernie says anxiously. “We don’t want Leah running to the Powers That Be and spoiling everything.”

“Have a little faith” says Serena. “They know what to do. Now for God’s sake kiss me, I’m dying here”, tangling her hands in Bernie’s hair and pulling her into a deep kiss.

Serena is right. In exactly ten minutes’, a knock comes on the door. Serena reluctantly disentangles herself from Bernie and makes for the door.

“Yes, you look mussed enough. Open another button on that shirt,” she orders.

Serena opens the door with an impatient “What do you want now?” expression on her face, instead of the sleepy and depressed look ordered by the script. Leah looks surprised but delivers her lines about the available bed in the ITU and Serena going back home to sleep. Before Leah can move in for the kiss, Serena stands back a little and pulls the door open wider so that a mussed and smirking Bernie comes into Leah’s view.

“What the …Serena? What’s going on?” Leah splutters, totally unable to think her way forward.

“I won’t be going home now because I have my bed partner right here, and we’re due on set together in, oh about 15 minutes.”

Leah’s mouth tightens in disapproval as she turns and makes a sign to the cameraman to stop filming.

“You’ll be hearing more about this”, she says to Serena, visibly annoyed.

Serena smiles and shrugs her shoulders as Leah stalks off. Before she reaches the end of the corridor, Jason and Xavier materialise from the shadows and each take an arm as they frog march her away from the scene. Donna sticks her head round the corner of the corridor and gives the cameraman a thumbs up.

“Just cut the last bit,” she calls. Serena then replays her own scenes with appropriate demeanour, but instead of letting Leah kiss her, she replies that she will stay in the on-call room as it is very late.

From that point onwards, Bernie, Serena and all the other characters involved in the scenes play it- from the moment of Bernie putting her hands over Serena’s eyes- as if Serena is overjoyed to see her, and everything proceeds from there. There are words about Bernie’s poor communication, and Serena does hold back the information about Leah coming on to her so that they can keep some of the angst, but the script is very clear: Serena did not succumb to Leah.

“Albie’s at 7.30, my tab “, calls Serena as they head out, the day over.

***

“Well, Serena Campbell, you absolute minx”, Fleur Fanshawe declares, sashaying over to them clutching a mojito with a green umbrella in it. Bernie raises her eyebrows.

“Well, Werewolf, what do you expect?” asks Fleur mockingly, plucking a maraschino cherry off the end of the umbrella stick and popping it lasciviously into her mouth. “You’ve shown up to sweep Serena off her feet. A girl has to console herself somehow.”

“And at my expense, too”, Serena puts in, laughing.

“I hear you were all brilliant”, Fleur says. “Well, when were we anything less than brilliant. But today, Team Holby was exceptional”.

Fletch, who has been entertaining Donna and Essie with the story of how he kept Leah locked in the changing room while filming progressed, suddenly looks up.

“Oh shit!” he swears. “She’s still in there! I forgot to ask Jason to let her out on his way home. Any takers?”

Fleur puts her drink down on a table and raises her hand.

“How about you let me deal with her?”

“Knock yourself out”, Fletch replies, much relieved. Serena looks at Fleur in amazement, but all she gets is a waggle of the fingers and a cheeky grin.

“So tell me people,” Bernie addresses the gathering, almost hopping up and down with impatience, “How on earth did you get the production team to play along today? And what happens now? Surely, Leah, or someone will be running to the PTB with the news of our takeover.”

Ric is chuckling. “Absolutely. In fact, I think it’s safe to assume that by tomorrow morning we will be banned from continuing.”

“But surely.. as soon as Leah gets out of the lockup she’ll be on the phone to them?”

“Oh”, Hanssen puts in smoothly,” I think we can safely assume a little ..er…distraction before she gets to that point, but it’s quite possible that they may find out sooner rather than later.”

“I don’t understand,” Bernie protests. “How can you turn not just the whole cast but also the cameramen and, I assume, at least one producer, to do your bidding when everyone will have put their neck on the line?”

There is a silence for a few seconds as no one volunteers to speak, then Serena turns to Bernie and holds her hands.

“Bernie,” she says, “we are assuming that after today, various threats will be made against all of us. If they refuse to use our rescripted takes, we’ll all go on strike. That’s our promise. We – and that includes the junior production team on set today- have taken this step as a group for two clear reasons: one, we strongly object to the assassination of my character which is what would happen if we had carried out the wishes of the PTB. Secondly, we know for a fact that your character is going to disappear or be killed off. We objected to this just as strongly. The huge fan base, the popularity of the relationship, everything points to them wanting to end something just because it has become more popular than some of their other pet projects.”

“And, of course, because it’s lesbians. Middle-aged lesbians, at that. This is what always happens to lesbians on TV”, puts in Donna.

Fletch steps forward. “We all love you, Bernie, but more than anything, we don’t want to see this relationship destroyed when the two of you are such fantastic role models for others, especially young people. Evie, for example, adores you.”

“But you’ll be punished, all of you, then where will we be?” asks Bernie in confusion.

“There’s a price to pay,” admits Serena.

“Which is?” Bernie’s expression has hardened, as if she is afraid of what Serena is about to reveal.

Serena looks at Ric to see if he will take up the mantle, but he remains silent.

“Come on Serena, what’s the big secret?” insists Bernie.

“That we strike a deal with the PTB. They can’t fire all of us, they know that. But they’ll want their pound of flesh for our insubordination. So our revised script calls for us to get married tomorrow, along with Jason and Greta and Dom and Lofty. And if they allow us to film that as we have scripted it, then we leave. Together. If they refuse to let you stay, I won’t stay either.”

Bernie’s expression is one of sheer confusion. “But Serena, this is your whole life, you’re a Regular. If you leave, they’ll put you in the Deep Freeze.”

"Not necessarily,” she says, “or at least, I wouldn’t be there for long.”

“But it’s risky. For you. And how do you know we will be together?”

“I’ve had an offer “, Serena says slowly. “From someone I respect, an ex-PTB. She works within the same network and she wants to take the Serena Campbell character out of Holby and put her in a new context. Up to now, the PTB have refused to let me even consider it.”

“I see. And you think they’ll be happy to get shot of you because of this little stunt we’re pulling?”

“I think you can take that as a given. And if Holby won’t keep Berena together, maybe she will.”

“How can you be sure?”

“At the moment I can't. But I love you, Berenice Griselda Wolfe, and I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I’ve never been as miserable as in these last six months, and I’ll do anything, anything to keep us together, and to keep Bernie Wolfe alive. Whatever it takes. I choose you.”

Bernie’s eyes fill with tears. “And I love you, too, Serena Wendy Campbell. You’ve done all this for me, for us, to try to give us a future I never thought was possible. I don’t know how I can ever repay such a sacrifice…”

Serena smiles “Repay me with a thousand kisses. And then marry me. For real” 

Bernie gives a strangled sob. ”Yes, yes…,” is all she can say before Serena has thrown her arms around her and pulled her into a deep kiss.

The cast whoop and cheer.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's a good story without an epilogue? So here we go, loose ends hopefully tied up and they all do live happily ever after, and Berena get their own show!
> 
> Merry Christmas, Regency, and everyone else who's reading!

The church is bedecked with flowers, the entire cast- minus Leah, who has refused to attend- is present as the three couples make their vows, presided over by the Rev. Lexy Dunblane of course, minus any shards of glass in her chest. Jason, happy though he certainly is to see his aunt and Bernie married, had taken some time to be reassured that, though the couple would be leaving Holby, they would not be far away; he was also perplexed that Bernie would not be able to deliver her planned speech.

“Don’t worry, Jason, there will be a reading”, Bernie had reassured him. And indeed, it is Henrik Hanssen who goes to the pulpit to read Christina Rossetti’s poem “At Last”, his own choice:

_Many have sung of love a root of bane:_

_While to my mind a root of balm it is,_

_For love at length breeds love; sufficient bliss_

_For life and death and rising up again._

_Surely when light of Heaven makes all things plain,_

_Love will grow plain with all its mysteries;_

_Nor shall we need to fetch from over seas_

_Wisdom or wealth or pleasure safe from pain._

_Love in our borders, love within our heart,_

_Love all in all, we then shall bide at rest,_

_Ended for ever life’s unending quest,_

_Ended for ever effort, change and fear:_

_Love all in all; —no more that better part_

_Purchased, but at the cost of all things here._

Then Xavier gets his guitar and Lofty sings “Only You”, his voice clear and resonant in the chill air. Afterwords, everyone makes their way out of the church, and the couples are bombarded with confetti, hugs and kisses all round. Bernie keeps looking at the gold ring on her finger, and at Serena’s matching one, deeply grateful for her wife’s organisational skills.

In the mêlée, no one notices a nondescript woman step out of the shadows and draw Bernie to one side.

“Hello, Bernie”, she says quietly. In an instant, things click in Bernie’s head.

“You”, she breathes. “It’s you who want to take Serena out of Holby, right? I should have known.”

The woman smiles. “She drives a hard bargain, your wife. But yes, now that the PTB of Holby City have decided to lose both of you, I want to make a show which is just for you, as a gay couple of professional women running a trauma unit. We’ll have to move to BBC Four, but it’s all in place, once I have your and Serena’s final agreement.”

Bernie is filled with excitement and hope. But then she remembers Kate Stewart. Her interlocutor sees her face cloud and says “You’re still a Dual, don’t worry. UNIT are not dropping Kate Stewart, so we’ll give you gaps to go and do that.’

“That’s amazing, I’m so grateful,” Bernie begins as Serena glides over and takes her arm.

“All good to go?” she asks, winking at the producer.

“Indeed you are. A two-week break, get Christmas over, then move to my set. We have a house being made ready for you somewhere er ‘exotic’.”

Bernie thanks the producer and shakes her hand, then, smiling, says to Serena.

“Come on, Mrs Wolfe, we have a wedding reception to attend. There’s a bottle of champagne with our names on it.”

The producer gives a little wave and melts into the crowd, as Serena takes Bernie by the hand and they head towards Albie’s. As they reach the door, Bernie pulls away.

“Just a sec, before I forget,” and she jogs over to Henrik, who is arriving on his own.

“Henrik, thank you for everything, for putting your neck on the line for us. Are you sure you’re OK?”

Henrik looks tired and drawn, his eyes sad, but he manages a small smile.

“I am for now, but let’s see what the future holds”, he says grimly.

“Well, here’s a little pre-Christmas present to cheer you up”, Bernie says, handing him a small piece of paper. Henrik glances down at it and then up at Bernie in the nearest he can get to amazement.

“Bernie, how on earth did you…?”

“Don’t ask. Merry Christmas, Henrik,” and she kisses him on the cheek and skips back to where Serena is waiting.

“What’s on that paper you gave to Henrik?” asks Serena.

“The private phone number of a certain ex-Roxanna Macmillan”, smiles Bernie.

“You absolute angel”, says Serena. “Now let’s get started on the Thousand Kisses, shall we?”


End file.
